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This excerpt, from What I Meant to Say: Let me say at the start, I don't mean to imply that men get to do the choosing. It isn't like a vegetable stand, where a man can say, "I'll take this onion here, not these others," and the onion has nothing to say about it. What we're talking about is, how do men pick out which women they are going to try for. Nor am I condoning, excusing or endorsing men's methods.

Interesting essays could be written on how men should choose women, or how men wish they chose women. But we will focus on a topic of more practical interest: We will take a clear-eyed look at that question, and maybe we will find that the truth has some redeeming qualities. The first thing we need to face about men is this: More accurately, they are loons.

They have their own ways of doing things. They don't proceed in a politically correct, enlightened way to select a woman. They may end up valuing her for the "right" things, the things she wants to be valued for. But that is not how they start. Men are hard-wired to look for certain features.

Evolution wants the mating process to succeed, and so it makes sure that men home in on that which will be conducive to success, regardless of how unrefined this strategy may be.

But no matter how strange men are, if you're a woman who wants to meet the right man, you have to clue in to how men think. Okay, "think" is a bit of a stretch. If you try to change men or just don't get them, you'll be stymied -- but if you accept how they are and forgive them and work with them, you will have enormous power and effectiveness.

Men want to look. First, foremost and always, men are visual. Men's eyes are always wandering, seeking out that which they could and would impregnate. Why is this so, Mr. The fact is men can't help looking, even happily married men, even codgers who think Viagra is better than money.

So the first rule is, let men see you. This may seem too obvious to even mention, but in fact it is the key to the whole thing. If you make it difficult to be seen -- for instance, if you sit in the back booth with shades on -- you stop Step One from happening. So none of the other steps can happen. Note that being seen is particularly crucial -- and achievable -- if you are trying to meet Mr. Now let us ask, what are men looking for? What are they hoping to see?

If you're feeling cynical, your answer may be, "Cameron Diaz. Men are, in the first place, looking for "attractive. Well, the good news is, it means completely different things to different men -- but it almost always involves a combination of face, and body shape and size. Different men like completely different bodies.

Many men in our culture like slender, athletic female figures -- some men really do, and some say they do, because they are ashamed of admitting anything else to their male peer group.

Some men want the rail-thin model type. But many men in our culture do not want a slender woman: Some men want very large women. And some men don't really care that much about body size or shape. Then we have faces. Here there is even less consensus. No one agrees on faces. A face that strikes one man as masculine may seem feminine to another.

A face that strikes Tom as sexy may look shallow to Harry. Ralph may hate a lot of makeup on a woman, while Shawn considers it a turn-on. There are no objective standards concerning faces.

Even in the realm of extremely good-looking celebrities, you will find a whole gamut of opinions. I know men who think Britney Spears is homely.

I know men who think Pamela Anderson is grotesque. I know men who hate all blondes. Men who hate brunettes. Men who appreciate a good tan. Men who adore very pale skin. I knew a guy who got very turned on by a woman's handshake, if it was "as strong as a man's. All this may strike the sensitive, intelligent woman as superficial, even offensive.

Surely the cultured, educated, spiritual yet masculine man of your dreams doesn't look only at the outside of a woman. Scientists say men and women are both designed to be ruthlessly pragmatic in their criteria for a mate. Women are programmed by evolution to choose men based on their father potential, which is closely associated with status in the group -- what we now call money and power. Men -- regardless of their conscious attitude to having kids--are designed to look for good reproducers; a low waist-to-hip ratio of around.

And in both sexes, facial beauty is associated with grace, intelligence, popularity and, in general, fitness for survival. So forget about how superficial men may be and realize that they, like you, are hard-wired in mysterious ways, which may or may not be as shallow as you think. Fortunately, many of them don't toe the evolutionary line anyway--apparently their wiring has come loose. Take faces, for example. It's clear that we read far more in a face than looks. We think we are reading souls.

We look into the eyes of the person we are talking to, and we feel as if we can tell who they are, deep down -- what they value, what they love. With certain people, something about the face feels familiar, even familial. Many people strike us as somehow alien; but some faces arouse in us a strange empathy from the first time we set eyes on them. What is a man doing when he looks you over? On some level, quite possibly unconscious, he or his genes are trying to decide, could this person be a lover or is she just a potential friend?

If the answer comes up "lover," his charm will probably kick in, and there will be a lot of twinkling eyes and banter and smiling read: Let's assume he finds you to be above some basic threshold of attractiveness -- what other factors come into play? Well, as odd as it may sound, you are being checked out in a number of ways to determine whether you are too intimidating.

You are being studied to see whether you are likely to defeat him as a lover. I mean this in the most literal way: The average male who is old enough and mature enough to want to marry has realized that sex is not always a triumph. I'm not saying he is sexually insecure: But therein lies the rub: Our evolving male has tried, with those few cells in his brain devoted to self-knowledge, to wrestle with this question.

This has made him attentive to factors that influence his chemistry with women. Many of these factors are hard to pin down: And how many men have bravely catalogued the qualities of particular women that threaten their ego, and thereby their arousal? But one area, at least, seems to be a no-brainer: So he tries to screen out anything that might lessen his prowess if a woman invites him to perform.

This isn't all selfish. When a man spies a woman who is really "his type" -- whatever this may be -- he thinks he has found someone whose sexual needs he could enthusiastically fulfill. Shall we blame him for thinking this is good news for her too? Randy and Tom find themselves sitting next to a rather elegant woman in a yuppie bar in the business district. They strike up a conversation with her while they wait for their respective tables. The woman, Rachel, is friendly, glad to have someone to talk to while she waits for a friend to show up.

The men are responding in kind, but meanwhile they are both, as discreetly as they can, checking Rachel out. Now it happens that Rachel, though strikingly attractive, has a slightly hawk-like cast to her features, a slight fierceness built into her face, that reads to Randy as intimidating and as slightly masculine.

He senses in her an unswerving confidence in herself and in the cosmos, and a capacity for aggression, that make him feel he may be out of his league. So Randy is leaning toward a no on the "lover" issue, except for one thing: He is having trouble getting good views of her legs, because he is right next to her, and has to lean back and tilt his head to inspect them.

To make matters worse, Rachel has said she is a criminal lawyer. Randy is a tax lawyer, and they are bantering about the legal scene. But he opted out of court work because it was too scary, and he is very conscious of a threat to his ego in this woman.

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The Science Of Why We Talk Too Much (And How To Shut Up)

So what follows is a basic rundown of the more definite differences between the brains of men and women. Male and female brains actually differ right down at the genetic level in quite a drastic way. Quite alarmingly, female brains usually contain no Y chromosomes at all! This lack of a Y chromosome has many obvious physical effects , but most women still manage to lead normal, cognitively-unimpaired lives despite this clear deficit in the very DNA of their brains.

Research into how they manage this is ongoing. One startling difference between male and female brains is where they are found. It may surprise many, but male brains are found almost exclusively inside male skulls, whereas female brains are found only inside female skulls!

The fact that male and female skulls are also different and perfectly sized to house their associated brains is even more unlikely. Explain that with your so-called science, Richard Dawkins! As previously mentioned, there is an established size difference between male and female brains. Male brains tend to be bigger overall than female ones. This is also true for male legs, torsos and skeletons in general.

Human men generally tend to be bigger than women, and this is reflected in brain size. Some argue that this means men are more intelligent than women. When you have a good relationship or a bad relationship wha…. Thank you for joining! The Social Network for meeting new people. Join Tagged Join with Facebook.

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Real Women Want Real Men - Opening the lines of communiction between Real women who want love and respect men who are seriously in touch with their God first, themselves second, and are positively motivated in positive ways to maintain positions in society as honorable male figures and positive role models for his community and his family. Men need not join this group unless you meet the. About The Author Emily Brooks. Emily Brooks is a relationship expert with many years of experience dating in her 30's and 40's. She has dated both younger and older men extensively and loves being able to help connect singles and form exciting new relationships. Women's Brains STEPHEN JAY GOULD Paleontologist and evolutionary biologist Stephen Jay Gould () was a professor of geology and zoology at Harvard University from until his death. His major scientific work was.