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A senior mother and her daughter relish the comforts of home and routine… read more. Senior sexuality represents possibly the last remaining taboo. No one wants to talk about it. In a survey conducted by Home Instead, Inc. This development can be disturbing for adult children and caregivers alike, and it can be difficult to manage.

As a senior care professional, you can help your clients address these behaviors by sharing some tips and resources. A study by the New England Journal of Medicine found 25 percent of seniors over age 75 are having sex, and about 50 percent of those between ages 65 and 75 are also sexually active.

No matter the age of the adult participants, consensual sexual behaviors can be considered normal and healthy—as long as the participants retain the cognitive ability to consent. Unfortunately, cognitive decline can cause seniors to engage in inappropriate sexual behaviors outside of a loving relationship or in unsuitable environments.

These behaviors can cause distress for family members and caregivers who may feel ill-equipped to deal with them. He started masturbating in public.

Of course, I was appalled when I was told this and then I witnessed it. I guess a part of me was hoping that I was being told incorrect info. If a family caregiver asks you for guidance regarding a senior loved one who is fondling himself in public, you might advise them to start with a medical examination.

These medical causes may be ruled out or treated with a physical exam conducted by a skilled geriatric practitioner. My hubby will give her a hug as he always has. But occasionally she puts her hands where they shouldn't be.

So hubby tries to avoid her… which confuses her when she wants that hug. Sexual inappropriateness with dementia certainly is not limited to men. As this comment illustrates, women can develop wandering hands, too.

One way to cope with wandering hands during embraces is to develop a new way to hug. Seniors with dementia may disrobe in public for a variety of reasons, from feeling too warm to experiencing an urgent need to urinate. If family members can figure out what triggers the behavior, they may be able to resolve the underlying issue. In the meantime, family members can manage the activity as it occurs.

Advise them to always take a shawl or throw with them to cover their family member as the clothes come off. Help your clients find resources for clothing that is difficult to remove, such as items with fasteners in the back. Encourage family members to stay calm and not to shame their loved one.

Be sure family members know their loved one cannot necessarily control this behavior. As a senior care professional, you have the opportunity to bring senior sexuality out into the open. While adult children report reluctance to talk about this subject, they seem to feel relieved when someone broaches the topic to them.

In all that time I have never had that issue come up. It actually had never even occurred to me! How awesome that you have brought this subject to the forefront for discussion if the need arises! Get helpful tips and articles like these delivered to your email. I am a caregiver for a 92 year old man. He was never diagnosed with Alzheimer's or dementia. He has become more forgetful this past year.

His conversation when I try to get him out of bed goes immediately to his genitals, asking me to get in bed, wants me to dry his genitals and get a bit belligerent when I don't comply. I don't know what to do or say to him,I could use some suggesstions! Share your thoughts or story. I also have an issue developing with my father who is full time in a care institution following a stroke and starting to display inappropriate sexual behaviour with other residents.

I wonder whether it isn't also an attempt to be recognized as a whole person. I remember visiting what used to be called the dementia ward of the hospital as a young male adult. A couple of the elderly women there would always be inviting me to jump into bed with them. I just said, "Sorry love, I don't think I could keep up with you.

So maybe that was just acknowledging them as a sexual person while still keeping appropriate boundaries. I know when I've worked with divorced people, having been sexually active, it is also a struggle for them to no longer have that in their lives. Not sure if this helps but most comments don't seem to take into account what need might be trying to be met by the person. I think you should tell the son. This behavior seems to happen a lot with men with dementia.

My husband does this which infuriates me—then he denies doing it. I would definitely tell the family. A nurse in the hospital told me my husband was masturbating in front of other people. I was mortified but was glad the nurse told me. Please call your home office and document the situation.

Ask to be assigned another client. You should never have to work in a situation like this. Your caregiver may have had a history of childhood abuse or violence and may not be able to handle this behavior. Better to have another care giver then to put her through a painful work environment. He has 2 caregivers, one for night and one for day. Recently the caregiver who is there at night said she didn't want to take care of my dad anymore since he has been masterbaitng in front of her.

I can understand that this is uncomfortable for her, but I feel she should know how to handle this situation since she has been a caregiver for many years and this is not that unusual for a man in my father's condition.

I have never seem him touch himself, but I have seen him take off his clothes, or forget to pull up his pants after using the bathroom. I simple remind him to pull up his pants. Sorry, but if you can't handle situations like this, maybe you shouldn't be a caregiver for a man with Alzheimer's.

I am a new caregiver for a 90 year old man with late stage alzhiemers. I have been working with him on my second week now. He has already had 4 incidences with me. I am extremely uncomfortable with the situation. The only way i can handle it is to threaten to tell his son about it and tell him its inappropriate, disrespectful and that im his caregiver. He states that he wants to "put his tongue in me", that i turn him on, tells me to lay on the floor, pull my pants down and has even went as far as to put his hands on my hips.

I have stopped and prevented this behavior. It is extremely disturbing and stressful to me. I am 20 and a fresh worker. How do I go about notifying his family about this issue? I dont want them to know their father is being nasty with me and ruin his reputation. I have the patience but its causing stress in my own relationship. I dont want to quit my job because of this but i feel so uncomfortable that i cant pull forward with my routine with him. Can't you tell your supervisor? Or can you go to counseling for support and for solutions that the counselor can offer.

You definitely need someone for support and someone to talk to about all of this. A caregiver needs protection of his or her boundaries and deserves that protection. Your workplace really needs to address this issue.

If they have an Human Resource Department, start there. Don't put it off. Hi , I am my mothers care giver and I always hug and kiss her.

She stared at me like " well aren't u going to do anything" so I quickly and gently told "no mom that vagina is yours and u take care of it ok , I have my own ok " and gently took my hand away and pulled the pamper over and she was content.

But never the less I was very surprised. Having some of these same issues with my 82 year old father. He is making passes at both myself and my sister. My mother who is 80 years old is aware of the situation, and is encouraging it.

She has cancer, and I think her chemo is affecting her ability to think clearly. It is very heartbreaking. Yes I feel like I don't want to be around them anymore, but when they were younger they were great parents.

I never thought of it as a symptom of dementia - but it could be. My 89 year old father lives with me and my husband. My 36 year old daughter and my 3 grandchildren also live with us. My daughter has taken over the role as caregiver to my dad to help out.

Today my dad asked his own granddaughter if she would mind giving him oral sex!


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Is that even possible for women? How do I bring sex back into my life? How would I even do that? You ask some great questions. Whatever works for two people mutually is much more important than any either-or rule. The right FWB might be closer than you think.

Or they may be in a relationship founded on ethical non-monogamy. There are many reasons that people of our age want a sexual partner without a committed relationship. Maybe you already have the right friend, and just need to add the benefits! You ask whether this kind of relationship is possible for women.

Yes, for many women. Are you likely to get too emotionally involved, or is he? Emotions are tricky, and the best way to deal with whatever comes up is to communicate clearly before you get involved, during the involvement and afterwards if either of you needs to end it. She had a close friend who was also open to a sexual friendship without commitment, and some exploratory kissing showed them that they really were sexually attracted to each other. They talked about their needs, desires, expectations and boundaries, being careful to speak honestly and non-judgmentally, and to really listen to each other.

Their FWB relationship lasted two years. During that time they were friends first and foremost, and sexual partners as an added bonus. And show your partner that you value your health and his by always practicing safer sex. See more about safer sex here. Would you like to see more questions and answers? Chances are, those attributes are still as appealing as ever. In fact, a survey conducted by the AARP and Modern Maturity magazine revealed that the percentage of people age 45 and older who consider their partners physically attractive increases with age.

Whether it's the white-haired grandmother fussing with her knitting or the loveable old codger puffing on a pipe, society is inclined to desexualize older adults. When older adults do express their sexuality, it's often viewed with derision — for example, the stereotype of the "dirty old man.

People are living longer and remaining healthier. And they are more vigorous than ever before. Former president George H. Bush went skydiving to celebrate his 75th birthday, John Glenn returned to space at age 77, and Carol Sing forged a new world record at 57 by becoming the oldest woman to swim the English Channel. With this trend toward later-life vitality, why shouldn't seniors be allowed to cast off outdated and ill-fitting stereotypes in order to express their normal, healthy sexual appetites?

Men and women lose their ability to perform sexually after a certain age. Vaginal dryness and erectile difficulties loom large as you hurtle past You may be feeling that you should just listen to what your body is trying to tell you: Sex is a thing of the past. While a certain degree of physical change is unavoidable, this fact of life doesn't necessarily translate into insurmountable sexual problems.

For men, the Viagra revolution means most erection problems can be corrected with little medical intervention. For women, high-tech vaginal lubricants and hormone creams and rings are viable substitutes for what nature no longer supplies. What's important for both sexes to remember, though, is that a softer erection, reduced natural lubrication, or a less intense orgasm doesn't mean you're no longer interested in your partner or in sex itself.

For many couples, these kinds of changes provide an impetus for developing a new, rich, and satisfying style of lovemaking — one that's based more on extended foreplay and less on intercourse and orgasm. Drooping libido, slower rates of arousal, and the predictability of having the same partner for 20 or more years all add up to a ho-hum sex life.

While it's true that a year-old will have a faster, harder erection and a more forceful ejaculation than his year-old counterpart, it doesn't mean the quality of the experience is necessarily better. On the contrary, the older man has better control of his ejaculations. Less penile sensitivity means he may be able to enjoy a wider range of erotic sensations and maintain his erection longer.

And his experience may pay off in improved sexual technique and a better understanding of what will please his partner.

Many women begin to find sexual confidence in their 30s, and this blossoms with maturity. As a woman moves through her 40s, her orgasms actually become more intense, and she can still have multiple orgasms. After menopause, when she's free of any worry about pregnancy, she can give herself over to the pure enjoyment of sex. Although longtime partners do have to contend with issues of familiarity in their relationship, these problems can be offset by greater emotional intimacy and trust.

Because inhibitions often lessen with age, sex at 50 or 60 may include a level of experimentation and playfulness you wouldn't have dreamed of in your younger years. In , Modern Maturity magazine and the AARP foundation polled 1, adults age 45 and older about the role sex played in their lives.

The findings paint a detailed picture of sexuality at midlife and later. Over all, the majority of men But an even higher percentage At age 75, the proportion dropped to one in four. Still, nearly three-quarters of respondents of all ages had intercourse once a month or more, provided they had partners.

However, when the group was examined as a whole, one out of five men and two out of five women had not participated in any form of sexual touching or caressing over the last six months. Men tended to think about sex and feel sexual desire more frequently than women. While rates of intercourse were similar for both sexes, more men than women reported engaging in sexual touching.

Self-s timulation on a regular basis was also about eight times higher among men. Not surprisingly, one of the major factors associated with respondents' satisfaction was the availability of a partner.

In the 45—59 age group, roughly four out of five individuals had partners; by comparison, only one in five women over 75 had partners. Declining health also appeared to have an effect on sexual activity and satisfaction. On a list of features that might improve their sexual satisfaction, the men ranked better health for themselves or their partners at the top.

Although impotence emerged as a significant issue for nearly a quarter of the men, less than half of those men had ever sought medical treatment for the problem. While the initial prerequisites for sexual activity are physiological — functional sex organs, adequate hormone levels, and freedom from healt h conditions that interfere with the body's ability to respond to erotic cues — these elements don't guarantee sexual satisfaction. Stress, anxiety, self-esteem issues, negative past experiences, lifestyle demands, loss of loved ones, and relationship conflicts can weigh heavily.

During midlife and beyond, these factors, combined with naturally occurring physical changes, can make you vulnerable to sexual problems.

It may seem obvious that not having a partner is an impediment to an active sex life, but it's an especially important issue for older people. By age 65, many people find themselves alone, through either divorce or widowhood. This affects sexuality in a variety of ways. The partner gap is a particular problem for American women because their average life span 79 years is more than five years longer than that of men. Because American women marry men who are on average three years older, that can mean even more time alone.

Should a woman want to remarry, her chance of finding a new mate in her age bracket dwindles yearly; there is an average of only 7 men for every 10 women age 65 and above. All this boils down to the fact that, compared with men, women are likely to live a greater portion of their lives without a mate.

Finally, starting a new sexual relationship after divorce or the death of a spouse can present its own dilemmas. People often fear that they will not become aroused or be able to have an orgasm with a different partner. They also may be self-conscious about baring their body in front of someone new. Because a new relationship may come along months or years after their last sexual relationship, some individuals feel anxious that they have "forgotten how to have sex" or that "the equipment doesn't work anymore.

Tension in a relationship can be deadly to a couple's sex life. In many cases, conflict is at the root of a sexual problem. Other times, a sexual issue strains a couple's ability to get along. The following issues are often connected to sexual problems.

Accumulated anger, hurt, disappointment, and resentment can fester, destroying closeness between partners. These pent-up feelings often extinguish the flames of desire. For men, anger and frustration can interfere with arousal and getting an erection. Likewise, the breakdown of trust can be devastating to a woman's ability to reach orgasm. Both partners can suffer loss of libido in a conflict-ridden environment. This type of disappointment turns toxic when one or both partners resort to criticism and defensiveness — two of the major harbingers of divorce.

In addition, one member of the couple may unconsciously withhold sex as a way of expressing anger or to maintain the upper hand in a situation where he or she feels otherwise powerless. Communication is essential for partners to build the trust needed for a successful sexual relationship.

By talking frankly about your feelings, you can foster acceptance and understanding in your relationship. This makes it easier for you and your partner to collaborate on finding solutions to issues, and it can prevent resentments from piling up. When conversation breaks down, anger and resentment are likely to build. Dialogue is especially vital as physical changes take place.

Vaginal dryness or erection difficulties can be wrongly perceived as waning interest in sex, which can trigger feelings of rejection and resentment. Rather than frame your need or desire for sex without penetration as a sad limitation or an apology, word it in a positive way, such as some variation of these statements:. We have fingers and tongues and dirty thoughts and pretty underwear.

It is all about the two beings connecting. It is only secondarily about the bodies. The basic building block is the connection between the two live beings.

Send Joan your questions by emailing sexpert seniorplanet. All information is confidential. How to Maintain — or Regain! Straight Talk about Sex After Sixty. Just thought you would like to know. Life can still be very beautiful at any age.

For this one and all my webinars, see http: I know a well made, version would change her mind in one use but getting her to use it that one time is like finding a gold mine in my yard. Could someone please tell me what a man enjoys if he cannot penetrate? What kind of motions does he need in order to orgasm? Should I tug or massage? My wife has never given me a bj. Any ideas because I would perform oral on her. It emphasizes friendship and sexuality without intercourse. Hello, My husband and I have been married 32 years.

I have forgiven him twice on when he has been with another woman. I do feel and know he would not cheat on me again.

With this trend toward later-life vitality, why shouldn't seniors be allowed . orgasm may seek out new lovers to prove that the sexual problem is. Sex is any activity that arouses you and brings you sexual pleasure. Trying to reach orgasm may take longer (see “Desperately Seeking. Senior sexual health: The effects of aging on sexuality. Hinchliff S, Gott M. Seeking medical help for sexual concerns in mid- and later life: a review of the.