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Dear Wendy is a relationship advice blog. You can read about me here , peruse the archives here and read popular posts here. You can also follow along on Facebook and Instagram.
Unfortunately, I have noticed that I cannot get over the fact that he is way too skinny and also way too short for my liking. I dream of a future with a man with his personality, his mind, and his intellect, but in a different body. I am, however, attracted to him enough to desire and have sex with him, which confuses me. Well, I am most of the time, at least. On rare occasions, I almost feel like he is a school boy and I am a pedophile. I cannot for the life of me figure out what to do in this situation.
What should I do? And love sure as shit never feels like a pedophile. Please break up with this guy and give him the freedom to find someone who can truly love him in the way you cannot. In time, you will mature, and whether or not you find your perfect man in the perfect package, you will hopefully learn that what someone looks like is pretty insignificant in the grand scheme of things.
His mom hated me from the very beginning. She would convince Paul that I am cheating on him and call me horrible names. It got worse when I was raped. On top of that, my boyfriend always defended her. On top of THAT, my boyfriend tells her about his sex life with me and when he is masturbating. I confronted him about that and he just told me that he had already gotten high with his mom before. He defended it by saying she had lupus and was too embarrassed to ask the doctor for a weed prescription for the pain, so he got his drug dealer to make them cookies.
She also takes way more than the prescribed amount of codeine and acts all high so people — especially my boyfriend — will feel bad for her. We had a huge argument about it and I did not give up. I am right, after all!! Finally, he confronted his mother and he feels awful for having been so blind. But I still hate his mom and I feel almost jealous of her, for he loves her, too.
What on earth do I do?!?! I want him to hate her! Rather than try to break it up or turn your boyfriend against his mother, perhaps you should: Follow along on Facebook, and Instagram. Juliecatharine March 26, , 8: This level of drama after 9 months is a deal breaker. MOA and think about why on earth you would engage and contribute to such a total cluster. Have you dealt with what happened? Stonegypsy March 26, , Lianne March 26, , 8: What the actual fuck?
This is just way too much before my coffee is finished. This situation will not end well. RedroverRedrover March 26, , 8: I had a similar situation with a guy I dated in university. By the time I broke up with the university boyfriend, I disliked his mouth, his legs, the way he slouched when he stood, his laugh, etc. As the relationship worked less and less, my non-attraction to all these things increased. Lyra March 26, , My brother has that same thing, and actually had surgery and wore a brace for a few months in high school to raise his sternum The brace basically held onto a wire that raised th sternum farther away from vital organs.
My SIL is a surgical tech, and has actually been in the operating room for a few of those surgeries. Just cool to learn about! RedroverRedrover March 26, , I never knew about that!
Neither the guy I dated or my husband have it so badly that surgery would make sense. I just googled it and some of the images are pretty severe. I also dated a guy once whose ribs turned out slightly at the ends of the bones. You could see them as bumps down the front of his chest.
Lyra March 26, , 6: Yeah, it was actually more of a preventative measure to make sure he had plenty of space in his chest for vital organs since he was still growing at the time. When he woke up they did a test of his lung capacity on this cool little doodad that measures how much air your lungs are taking in.
They credited the fact that he played alto saxophone for his crazy lung capacity. TaraMonster March 26, , Used to scare the crap out of me. Diablo March 26, , 8: Your site proves that LOVE does it all. Love fixates on whomever it pleases, destroying jobs, marriages, families, even nations in some cases. Love hold grudges that last a lifetime. Love acts out of revenge, spite, jealousy and self-loathing. It clings and cries and bites and wears altogether too much makeup.
It blots out the light of the sun. Love is a rabid wolverine made out of cotton candy and moldy cheese. Stonegypsy March 26, , 9: Diablo March 26, , Thanks, you are too kind. I suspect there just might be one or two better sentences out there somewhere. Raccoon eyes March 26, , 9: Anna March 26, , 9: My whole family all the men have glorious heads of hair and baldness is just gross to me.
Well enter current boyfriend, who will definitely be bald and is balding and I could not care less. Even in the beginning when I was like eh this should be a deal-breaker but its really not. Portia March 26, , I had a friend who for years only dated really short women. Which was funny because he was really tall.
His attraction to short women went right out the window! I actually think the advice for LW1 is a little harsh. She is looking for a way to get over it! Man that would be hot! Maybe Lw 1 is a little more extrem, but I think the pedofile comment is being overblown.
She is 20, and at 20 people are usually a little more shallow. I think the LW should focus on good qualities, and if she really is happy as it seems Like she is , forgive herself for being a little shallow for wishing her bf was a little different in the looks department. Especially at such a young age? As a very tall woman, I can understand still being attracted to someone, but at the same time feeling insecure because someone was shorter than me, and wish he was taller. You can also love someone with flaws… Even if the flaws are against your own shallow standards.
Maybe I wish his body was healthier sometimes. Why settle so young? But I love watching Jonathan work. I also dislike the pattern of their facial hair, and I think their faces are too skinny. They look like cartoons. I agree their faces and animations can be a little cheesy.
But when I saw what they could do to a house…. And last, but no less important a point, is what something random is saying: I think what we have here is a classic case of applying the law of Fuck Yes. Lyra March 26, , 7: Thanks for the recap./p>
Anna March 26, , 9: My whole family all the men have glorious heads of hair and baldness is just gross to me. Well enter current boyfriend, who will definitely be bald and is balding and I could not care less.
Even in the beginning when I was like eh this should be a deal-breaker but its really not. Portia March 26, , I had a friend who for years only dated really short women. Which was funny because he was really tall. His attraction to short women went right out the window! I actually think the advice for LW1 is a little harsh. She is looking for a way to get over it! Man that would be hot! Maybe Lw 1 is a little more extrem, but I think the pedofile comment is being overblown. She is 20, and at 20 people are usually a little more shallow.
I think the LW should focus on good qualities, and if she really is happy as it seems Like she is , forgive herself for being a little shallow for wishing her bf was a little different in the looks department. Especially at such a young age? As a very tall woman, I can understand still being attracted to someone, but at the same time feeling insecure because someone was shorter than me, and wish he was taller. You can also love someone with flaws… Even if the flaws are against your own shallow standards.
Maybe I wish his body was healthier sometimes. Why settle so young? But I love watching Jonathan work. I also dislike the pattern of their facial hair, and I think their faces are too skinny. They look like cartoons. I agree their faces and animations can be a little cheesy.
But when I saw what they could do to a house…. And last, but no less important a point, is what something random is saying: I think what we have here is a classic case of applying the law of Fuck Yes.
Lyra March 26, , 7: Thanks for the recap. You know, after Wendy and everyone else did. MsMisery March 26, , We cannot control what turns us on or what we like in others. Seek out the things in him you dig in people you think are attractive. There is nothing worth saving here. Collect your belongings and remaining humanity and GTFO.
LW2, there can be a link between lupus and psychosis…. Diablo March 26, , 2: But he seems to have gone away. He usually has something to say. But apparently not today.
Why oh why, as I shudder and cry, do my eyes not spy a sharp reply. Dear Wendy March 26, , 3: Just Max March 26, , 3: Dear Diablo, Please never go away, mostly because none of us could write as awesome of a poem. Diablo March 27, , 8: I know for a fact that there are other lapsed english majors on DW. So I declare a poem war. Addie Pray March 27, , 6: I am on vacation in Arizona.
So I am far too busy buying vintage turquoise keychains in Scottsdale to comment on fools like these two whacked out letter writers….
Nice poem though, Diablo. All that was missing was a reference to Madonna. Is he off somewhere getting high on marijuana? Or simply too busy listening to new Madonna? Hearing from him would be just super. Alexandria April 15, , As someone who anon replies to peoples questions and concerns objectively on a regular basis, I was turned off by Wendy?
This is not someone to seek advice from. The party asking questions and seeking solace in your answers is not one to blame. You are not less of a good person, and you are no different from any other party male or female who has been put off by physical doubt. If you want someone bigger, go for it.
If you want someone more dangerous, you go girl. If you find security in masculinity, that is your prerogative. Hell, if you dead set on this guy.. Maybe you can start a workout regime. He can bulk and you can tone. But I am not going to assume you are vain and vex you. Men feel this way all the time. So I ask you to seek open communication and content in all relationship scenarios. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. Dear Wendy March 26, Columns 54 comments.
I am 20 years old. I am currently in a relationship with a man I love. As a matter of fact, I have never been part of such a loving and stimulating relationship before. I love it when he calls me his girl, when he cuddles me, when he touches me, when he kisses me …I even love it when we argue! LW1 Do him a favor and move on. Run for the hills! They should start reading your comment at weddings instead of that Corinthians passage.
They have nothing to do with the design process that creates pre-production clothes for use in runways and often in magazine advertising although sometimes magazine shoot will be post production - products like shoes for example. The torso manequins used for design remain unchanged.
Yes, ML, they did. Her name was 'Twiggy'. She became a phenomenon in the 's and 70's. Prior to that the curvy movie stars were the models that most young women tried to emulate.
Too bad for those girls who were not well endowed, but many a cleavage was enhanced by the discreet placement of folded handkerchiefs or tissues. Well after her death, it was discovered that even Marilyn Monroe used similar strategic placement of padding. Women's clothes used to be designed not just to fit around curves but to enhance them.
This required more skill and artistry than making a simple straight shift dress, therefore a higher cost of production. But then, this was in a society that valued quality workmanship, not one with a throw-away mentality. As the latter generates repeated profits it came to dominate in the marketplace. Sadly, the people who embrace this model can only do so by the exploitation of the labor of other women in poorer countries. Skinny models are the direct result of profiteering by the fashion industry.
Marylin Munroe was a size Fourteen So yea the industry does sort of collude on this sort of thing, really it's what sells though so we the market place is part of that collusion.
We have whole genres of chic lit on this doesn't anybody remember Bridget Joneses diary? The question is why are woman being this market place I don't get the Kardashians at all but Kim has her constant weight battles, so is it about a sort of access to the glamour that keeps the market place invested in this. There was a great skit on the TV show Miranda where Miranda hart walks up to a plump plain woman and does a reverse Trina and Susannah asking her if she likes her clothes if they are comfortable and practical etc.
Marilyn Monroe was not the equivalent of a Size 14 by today's standards. This is a complete myth. An actress who was given roles because of her embodiment of the then-current notion of attractiveness.
Not much different at all, ML. Unless one wants to suggest that current high fashion catwalk models aren't attractive.
Not only do hourglass, chubby women not look good in the shapeless dresses that skinny models wear, but skinny women themselves are often not flattered by dresses that attempt to show off one's curves - because they don't have any.
Why, then, are all clothes based on how skinny women look, and then "sized up"? Tall women and short women look better in different things - should all clothes be designed for short women and then "sized up"? And thus another model is required at short notice to fit the doll clothes. That doesn't make it above criticism. There's a lot of criticism to go around, in both industries. Buying new clothes doesn't make you feel good unless you feel you have a need for them. Fashion marketing engineers that need.
Please, we know perfectly well how marketing works and the fashion industry is a textbook case of making a product and then convincing people they need it, instead of the other way around. Once again, Ann, you make the mistake of assuming that the industry in question wants to make "chubby" women an element of their market.
It does not want to. Many top fashion labels to not make their clothes in larger sizes. Victoria's Secret, for example, does not make products in larger sizes the largest bra size they make is an 18E and does not want to.
They only size things up to a certain point before they get to sizes they simply do not want to cater to. Once again, reaver, you've have missed the point that an industry that insists everyone pay attention to it, but only deigns to "speak" to hot, thin, young things, is just asking for criticism. Not to mention, sorry but the top ten flagship brands are not the "fashion industry". Older women actually spend a lot of money on clothes.
Who do you think buys haute couture? There are tons of brands and stores out there that target them, and they still dress up thin young women as their models. You know who shops at Myer? It's not year-olds with their first credit cards. That's a fail, ML. The very existence of the fashion industry is indefensible regardless of how many people it employs.
It is completely and utterly unnecessary and produces nothing of any real or practical value. It promotes the worst excesses of useless, conspicuous consumption, not to mention completely unrealistic body images to vulnerable young people. Anorexia probably wouldn't exist if not for the monster that is the fashion industry.
We do not need business suits or evening gowns that cost thousands of dollars, and the vast majority of people - those who live outside the fashion bubble - don't want them. We only need clothes that protect us from the elements. The industry is built on a foundation of vacuum and has ZERO merit. Value is a subjective measure, Greenkiller. The fashion industry only cares about the value judgements of those considering buying their clothes.
You are clearly not one of those people so your value judgement will be worth nothing to them. You do not think they have merit and they do not care.
We are making the value judgement that over-consumption is a death sentence for this planet and in the short term always ends in an economic crash. Fashion can't bring together any facts to refute that, so it just cowers under "post-modern socio-cultural relevance" and other such fruity nonsense. If they do not care about your opinions, Ann and Greenkiller, then they will not change their behaviour based on your opinions.
You want the industry to change based on your opinions, but give the industry no reason to take your opinions into consideration.
Your implication is that expressing my opinion regarding the fashion industry is futile. More and more people are waking up to what the industry represents, and rejecting it, because of public opinion. France - the capital of which is virtually synomynous with the industry - has already acted on one of the dangerous elements of the industry. Others could well follow. And to clarify, I don't want the industry to change.
I want it to cease to exist. As we consume more finite resources and as the population increases, useless endeavours such as fashion will inevitably end. Can't agree with any of your assertions. There are no excuses at all for extremely tiny samples - NONE - grading is irrelevant in this context. People don't enjoy seeing an extreme minority of females paraded as walking clothes hangers, we do enjoy well designed clothing that is either inspirational or buyable.
The influence the industry has is huge because all fashion shows, release of Pantone colors for the seasons etc are watched - and all we see from the fashion industry is TOXIC nonsense.
Actually - people DO enjoy it. If they didn't, the industry would have changed already. The Victoria's secret show is massive for example. New York, Paris and Milan fashion weeks are going from strength to strength.
Fashion websites are hugely successful. Most people in this world do not care about the PC politics you are talking about. They just get on with their lives and enjoy it. For most people fashion is a bit of fun that they enjoy. Perhaps you should take this industry, and yourself, a little less seriously. You are forgetting an important principle when it comes to contemporary media and event spectacles, ML.
The principle states 'What appears is good. What is good appears'. When people are making their way into and up the industry, they perpetuate the ideals presented by the current 'winners' in order to be noticed and successful themselves. Observers, from casual to paid, notice which ones become successful again and again and assume that what the successful teams are doing has the 'it ' factor.
On the contrary Applaudanum, it is the companies that do something new and capture the zeitgeist that really make an impact and make the transition from pretender to performer.
PR is only effective if they have something new to talk about, after all. Making your products look good and desirable is important in any industry. Now, cars do not get photographed in front of garbage tips for a reason Coke cans are photographed in ice buckets so they look cold and refreshing.
Laundry powders are photographed in pristine impeccably clean laundries that probably don't reflect the state of average laundries we would find in the general population. Neither are clothes put on frumpy, overweight women. The look of the environment ie. It's pretty simple marketing. Except this is in the context of the French government's plans to regulate the use of skinny models by fashion designers.
Which I doubt is an outcome of whatever opinion the author holds. Observing people who are extremely fat or thin, extremely rude or negative, extremely negative, extremely pedantic or opinionated are experiences we all encounter at times and most of us feel disturbed by the extremism.
There is a difference though, in respect to thinness. The causal evidence is all around us in the advertising and the movies. If you are thin and sexy, then as a woman you know that you will be treated as special and favoured by male teachers, bosses, lecturers, colleagues and generally by most males in society. The research is quite clear about the benefits of being sexy.
Hence, women and men increasingly spend significant amount of their time investing in their curves and looks. The cosmetic surgery industry is now substantial and growing every year. Of course, the ultimate look is to be very youthful looking and slim.
The ultimate shape of sexiness and desire. So some women go to the extreme and become too thin being driven by their obsession to look desirable. A few women who are anorexic are unable to control their condition but they make up a very small minority of the obsessively thin women, who are not victims, but know exactly what they are doing.
See, there's part of the problem right there - you say "if you are thin and sexy". Furthermore, "you know that you will be treated as special and favoured by male teachers, bosses, lecturers, colleagues and generally by most males in society" is almost certainly untrue.
As referenced elsewhere in the comments, studies and there have been many show that men prefer women that are curvier. You clearly subscribe to the theory that women clamour to appeal to men, yet what men actually want is quite distant from what women in your view perceive men's desires as. Women who are thin look more youthful and sexy and desirable particularly for older men who are more relevant to this discussion because they have more money and power than younger men.
Please provide the references that show 'men' prefer curvier women to slimmer more youthful looking women. I cannot find any references to your claim. Not fat, not skinny, but just right, like Goldilocks bed. The industry is wanting to sell the clothes, not the girls, Helvi, so it only matters whether the clothes look good. It is shameful that the fashion industry presents such a narrow view of 'beauty'. There are some women who are 'just right'.
Women who are too fat or too skinny do not qualify. That is not the fashion industry, Doublethink, that is biology. Too fat and too skinny do not qualify as "just right" when it comes to the common perception of beauty because of millions of years of evolution, not because a handful of snooty fashion designers one day just decided it. Okay reaver how do you explain the fact that women from South East Asia are very skinny as compared to 'just right' Europeans.
Why do skinny Asians persist, even outnumber, 'just right' Europeans in the face of this evolutionary imperative? I'd urge general caution against pinning such definitive conclusions on a pop-science evolution 'studies' you may have glanced at on-line. I was referring to making a product attractive to sell. You seem to be promoting the sale of an entirely different product. We're not on the same wavelength, Pete. As I was sitting at the doctor's, waiting to renew my prescription for Viagra I happen to glance through a Vogue magazine Sept.
I was so shocked, not just by the emaciated look of the models but by their cranky looks. So unhappy, scowling, so depressed and unhappy looking. I nearly lost the will for anymore Viagra and thought of giving it all away and concentrate on my stamp collection. In September "cranky looks", "unhappy", "scowling", and "depressed" were just on the cusp of coming into fashion - the magazine, by my reckoning, seemed to have picked the latest trends from the Canberra pratwalk perfectly.
You'll be pleased to know the March edition has the models all wearing cap-and-bells with dribble stains down their fronts all rushing around bumping into one another - once again the magazine seems to have its finger on the nation's fashion pulse.
I seem to remember reading in a magazine in that promoting very thin women as an ideal of beauty was an anti-feminist ploy to make women feel less sure of themselves. Well, many of these models are still children, so it's not surprising that they're skinny. If the fashion industry want to put their clothes on underage females, and only stock up to size 12, then no wonder so many fashion firms go to the wall. If their directors had a brain, they'd be catering to the baby boomers. Try finding clothes with sleeves, elastic waists, and the like that aren't cheap imports.
It seems its taboo to say 'too fat', but trendy to say 'too thin' For every 'eat a burger' comment made, we should also hear 'go on a diet fatty'. The difference between the "Eat a burger' comments and the "Go on a diet, fatty" comments, AstraNaut, is that the former represents a view that only those like the commenter hold and the latter represents a view that society at large holds.
It must cut far deeper knowing that a disparaging comment represents the majority instead of a bitter minority. For anyone who wants to debate whether society at large judges thin women less harshly than fat women Yes, fat, not "big boned" or "big, beautiful women".
Let us at least be honest about the matter ask yourself how many movies have a fat women as their sexy leading lady. At the end of the day whether the matter at hand is selling high end clothes, selling movie tickets or something as simple as deciding who to ask out, biomechanics stemming from millions of years of evolution beats social engineering.
How many movies have an anorexic woman as their leading lady? Actresses are not models, although sometimes they like to moonlight across industries.
Also, if we're cool on socially judging people for not being evolutionarily fit enough, we can shower all our scorn on small men for not living up to our standards, yes? Also men who aren't well-endowed, and men who aren't athletic? I sure hope you don't fall into one of those categories or you might just be open to scorn There have been far, far, far more movies with thin women as their sexy leading lady than movies with fat women as their sexy leading lady, Ann.
Keira Knightley has far more chance of being cast as the sexy leading lady whether or not the role is a romantic one than Rebel Wilson. From an evolutionary perspective and thus from a reproductive perspective men are judged differently to the way women are judged.
Many people like to think that all of this is a result of society and that it can be changed by social engineering schemes, but it is not and cannot. Evolution has formed society and it will take for more than trying to force fashion houses to hire fat models and movie studios to hire older actresses for society to effect evolution.
Alas for you , I think you'll find just by reading the comments here that it's not solely the commentator's view. The analysis of evolution's view that you propose, is confounded by countless studies showing otherwise. Where you are correct, is that society admires sexy. Where you are wrong, is that sexy does not necessarily equate to thin. The fact that the fashion and movie industries don't reflect that, is somewhat the commentator's point. And I do agree with your point about calling a spade a spade - but being larger than a catwalk model doesn't make someone fat as opposed to big-boned etc.
A curvy or athletic woman will be judged as more beautiful than both a thin and a fat women, but a thin women will be judged as more beautiful than a fat women. If you were to survey average people on the street as to whether Keira Knightley, Christina Hendricks or Rebel Wilson is more beautiful most would say Christina Hendricks, the majority of the rest would say Keira Knightley and very few would say Rebel Wilson.
This is not a result of society, it is a result of evolution. When a woman is being judged on physical beauty fashion modelling, for a directly relevant example, being entirely visual they are subconsciously being judged on the evolutionary imperative to reproduce. Obese women are at far higher risk of gestational diabetes, preeclampsia, infection, thrombosis, overdue pregnancy, serious labour problems, miscarriage and stillbirth than thin, curvy or athletic women and millions of years of evolution have programmed people to find fat women less beautiful based on that fact.
Part of the argument, reaver, is that we aren't seeing the Christina Hendricks types on the catwalk despite them being seen as 'most attractive' to more people than the other types. The advertisement for the soft drink with a young Elle Mcpherson on the beach in eye catching swimwear was very effective and she had a normal and healthy figure. I still remember the advertisement although the said soft drink is long gone. Perhaps they should have kept playing the ad. What is all the fuss about anyway?
Anorexic models walking down catwalks don't seem to be influencing millions of young people. Everybody thinks they look ridiculous and I suspect that the fashion houses use them to make people look harder at what they're wearing. If young women want to look like that and make a lot of money before they get too old, 25? Although I must admit that a few years ago I saw a young couple, around 18 or thereabouts, as anorexic as each other wearing clothes that showed a total lack of body fat and protruding hip and shoulder joints.
Their clothes did appear to be expensive, but both the boy and the girl looked wholly ridiculous. Everyone I saw looking at them were either greatly amused, or shocked or dismayed. And, come to think of it, what the jump is a "healthy body image"? Isn't an actual healthy body more important than the impression image of one?
In other words if healthy is the goal what does appearance have to do with it? Maybe the French ought to make them all do chin-ups and wind sprints to decide who gets to be a model. There is no obsession with appearance.
There is no culture in human history that has not celebrated beauty. I am not beautiful but I do not begrudge other people their beauty.
But some culture's ideal of beauty is more psychologically or physically harmful than others. Lead and other poisons used to be used for make-up all the way leading back to Greek times. Is the cultural "celebration of beauty" worth poisoning yourself?
To the Japanese, women were supposed to be childlike and innocent and a little bit simple, leading to physical beauty being synonymous with powerlessness and subservience. Other cultures have had similar concepts of "beauty". Is that "celebration of beauty" worth an entire gender bowing to the pleasure of the more powerful gender? Fat is beautiful in some cultures. Women shaving their hair to enlarge their foreheads is beautiful in some cultures.
Not to mention foot binding or neck rings. Pale skin or tans? Depends on culture and point in history. Peter is right that beauty is celebrated but what that actually looks like is very different from place to place. It's about time the Body Mass Index was given the heave-ho anyway. Now I have a BMI of But according to the BMI I must lose between 7. It's a fair measurement for people who aren't serious exercisers. Especially for women who are less likely to have a ton of muscle mass.
It creates unrealistic expectations about male body image which lead to the victimisation of other, 'normal' men. See what I did there? Yes mike, you made me feel guilty and I might adjust my lifestyle by putting coke in my scotch instead of just water to partially compensate.
What with this "our obsession with I don't know whether it is humility, or the complete opposite of humility, that leads you to the assumption that it is anyone else's obsession. Well, I've read all the comments so far. I,too,have wondered about barbie dolls. I've 2 little girls and my wife was wholeheartedly but as it turns out,half-arsed against them due to their overly overt skinniness. But we were 'gifted' about 50, and my wife has even bought more!?!??! This 'article' lacks any insight and is hardly a worthwhile contribution to the debate.
For me it encapsulates all that is 'wrong' with consumerism, as opposed to capitalism. We are fed this diatribe by the marketing specialists, an the gullible amongst us get bent. I feel genuine pity for those who feel compelled to chase this marketing nirvana. I buy nothing, fair dinkum - nothing - because of the brand. My style of consumeristic activity is to enjoy the exploration, the hunt for what I can actually enjoy, for what it is, not for what I am told it is.
Fashion is like fast-food. I haven't bought a Coke for decades, and a Mac for not much less, because they are, in my humble opinion, junk food, with unnatural flavours and textures. I do consume rubbish, but it's rubbish I enjoy for what it is, not for it's brand. That is indeed a great quote that demonstrates Dr Rosewarne's delightfully dry sense of humour.
It is a pity then that it occurs in yet another in a long line of articles that points out attention toward something that Dr Rosewarne is suggesting we don't pay attention toward. Everyone used to have a go at me when my BMI was the minimum healthy range in Australia - pretty sure USA girls get a whole extra point at the lower end to be "healthy". Like, either end of the range is an issue for people. For instance, I'd get laughed at for having a second treat at morning tea.
My GP would weigh me every time I went in, as if I had an issue. I wasn't healthy but it turns out it was a thyroid issue. Not a deliberate attempt to have to wear 2 pairs of pants to look normal. Having said that clothes really did look better with little effort. They just hang off you. Not fashion, just any old clothes from the op shop.
I don't know, maybe you just need a different style when you're healthy. If all children were fortunate enough to have parents who provided a loving and supportive environment in which a good dose of self esteem was engendered it would not be such a big deal if those children's bodies did not quite measure up to that of fashion models. Models are clothes horses. Generally designers do not see these models as anything other than someone on which to display their fashion designs.
I am constantly rather surprised at the number of youngsters who are lacking in self confidence and relying on constant reinforcing of their worth from strangers. On another level I believe if young people possessed good self esteem it would solve quite a number of problems in relationships, health and other life experiences.
Children are not alone in lacking confidence in themselves as the rise in the use of cosmetic surgery attests. You're comment is the only one to mention "self esteem" at the time of writing this reply, and for me at least it seems the most accurate. Melanie Klein, an academic from the psychoanalytic tradition in the first half of last century developed the notion of "Object Relations", which explains how young children will initially rely on functions performed by parents, but how over time these functions are internalised in the child.
For instance, a coping response to pain soothing is something a young child will externalise to the parent until they learn of the transitory nature of pain, that it will pass and through this how to sooth themselves.
Other, functions like 'esteem' are also internalised to become 'self esteem', or at least they should be. When this process breaks down, as with self esteem, then the person grows up always needing the external praise offered by someone else, another person or the wider society, something This "external locus" is then a handle that others can use to control or manipulate or to be less dramatic, to buy stuff.
The breakdown in self formation creates a foothold for manipulation. A fracture line in the self is what the fashion industry would market to, preying on a weakened self and arguably making this state worse by repeating a mantra of "you will only feel complete when you have bought these shoes," all so that your sense of self is orientated around an external locus. But I like the way you've said it.
The solution, as you have pointed out is in the parenting. So the slightly more curvier girls are in Strange set of reactions here in the comments section, but the article is spot on. It's a sad state of affairs when we someone has to actually write an article about this in the first place. Any article or discussion topic that gets people to focus on others' appearances is merely carrying out the maxim of bread and circuses. For if we weren't distracted by such intellectually vacuous nonsense about people's appearances, we'd not only find peace in ourselves but we'd also start looking at other things that deserve our attention - such as the state of the economy, climate change or nationwide demographic shifts.
These things are more important but harder to grasp, and as a result, the thigh gap and contour lines of one's cheekbones provides audience fodder for advertisers. Climate change isn't sexy and won't get the clicks or page turns that the revenue raisers seek.
Our attention has become privatised by the fashion industry and similar industries supported by sites such as Buzzfeed and other clickbait and so we no longer find ourselves being able to be critical and focus on the big issues. I agree fashion is a business - a nasty and predatory business IMO. I am tired of super skinny women claiming they are healthy and they have "fast metabolism", "polycystic ovarian syndrome" etc.
We need to call it for what it is, money talks - they want super skinny bones because it is easy for designers to make clothes for people with no shapes aka no fitting issues.
I am also tired of obese women claiming they are healthy and bagging skinny women, the truth is ALL people need to be respected for being who they are. If we want to talk about healthy role models, healthy eating and lifestyles then YES we have a right to say we want diverse body shapes and limited shapes of women who are at the extremes of the spectrum held up to supposedly represent US.
When will this stupidity end? Maybe when the uber rich companies stop supporting these starved individuals. Respect, whether or not you like it, is earned. You do not get respect just for "being you" and rational people do not expect to be respected just for existing.
Welcome to the real world. Unless we're very lucky we're all judged to some extent by the way we look. As a blind person I find that with a simple look another person can deduce my likes, dislikes, my intelligence and my ability to interact with the real world before I even get the chance to open my mouth. We are by nature a visual creature. By far the majority of our communication is non verbal. So, anyone trying to change things like that discussed in this article are peeing in the wind. Men like all types of women and if the relationship goes that way don't really care what the lady wears or not.
The fashion industry is directed at generating insecurity in women about their appearance and what is described as the ''need to shop''. They are encouraged to compete when their apparent appearance is imporant to the other side its not.
The industry is now moving onto young men using exactly the same insecurity. A doco I viewd some time ago suggested the androgynous nature of female models reflected the preferences of the designers.
OMG there are more comments on this bit of fluff than the metadata story. I'm going to look at yahoo news. Women would not have a problem with body image if women were not born attractive compared to men. Just being born I know I am more attractive than the next woman and the next man.
Attractive compared to men? Such attractiveness is culturally defined. To suggest that women are more attractive is to agree to ideas of attractiveness that has been handed down from the previous generation or two. Do recall that images of women and their attractiveness have traditionally been created by men and for men to look at. I daresay that your stated idea gained further momentum when men were 'useful for doing stuff' and women were 'well, might as well get one that's good to look at'.
You guys aren't looking at both ends of the stick. The 'fashion' industry fills the same niche as the top end car industry. The both produce ridiculously expensive items and controversial models for the same think Jeremy Clark lately.
They might appeal to a lot of people, but in reality both exist iin a narcissistic, stratified elite environment that excludes the other 7 billion humans. However, they are toxic. Either the urge to 'starve your way to beauty' or take risks in outfitting and driving a motor vehicle take the lives of young women and men. Thin is the new target of derision. I am sooooo sick of seeing articles biased against slim women. My wife is slim and she has had - other women usually- constantly tell her she looks anorexic, too thin, need to put on some weight etc etc.
In fact, she has a wonderful body- does a lot of bikini modelling and I wouldn't change her for the world. People will always look at someone who is not them and deride them for not being the same- mostly women.
I have never heard a man say these things to her. I get that from fat women and l'm sick of it! Had a child and still am same size as when l was A quick check of any handy David Attenborough doco will confirm that both males and females compete for mates. The fashion industry is simply an armaments supplier in that battle.
Like arms suppliers everywhere, they care little for how and when ammo is used, and customers are not scarce. In the comments above, I found one use of the word "solve" Regionalgranny , and one use of the word "solution" IMBY. I agree with Regionalgranny's statement around self esteem, but alas I don't see many other solutions being offered, just more detail surrounding the complaint itself.
Keeping in mind that the article itself was about a proposed solution, it's funny how this happens, how we all get caught in the malestrom of this great big echo chamber. Me, I'm going to ruminate on that insufferable thing desire. Is this really still an issue? First world confected outrage. Only for those to whom desire is not being directed. It's a clear case of 'attraction envy. Which is harder to maintain, the slim figure of the aspirational female or the heavily muscled body of the aspirational male?
One requires you to spend days per week at the gym lifting really, really heavy things and spending a fortune on food and dietary supplements. The other requires you to exercise occasionally and stop cramming your face with jam doughnuts. Now that you have some context, guess which of the above keeps banging on about the unfairness of body image expectations? This is an easy one. Failing to acknowledge your obvious double standards so you can make yet another sad plea for attention, sympathy and gendered social welfare is one thing.
Conveniently ignoring it when it's specifically pointed out to you over and over again is something else entirely. Actually, mike j, blokes that do the skinny "chick" thing pull a lot of birds. Look at your average rock muso. The real problems as many have mentioned is not those far fewer models and others that are deemed too thin. The rising amount of obese people in many counties poses far more problems.
Only some few decades ago large malls had few if any "power chairs". Power chairs have had to be upgraded more in the last 10 years being most had weight limits of lbs. Many of these malls have shelves stacked full of junk food. Finding the nutritious food thus becomes a hunting adventure. Long haul flights can be real unlucky for those getting a seat in the same row as someone obese.
Besides far less room and difficulties of getting out of the row to the restroom is that obese more often than not snore loudly. Long haul flights 30 years ago often had dozens of empty seats. Often many trans Pacific flights back then the pax were less than Of course not good for the airline - but sure was good for the few pax. Now nearly all flights are packed and getting the "unlucky seat" makes for a far worse total burnout. And takes more days to get over the packed jet lag.
Indeed keeping a good BMI is not easy - but in reality too many do not even try at all. I tend to agree with most of the common sense of ann. I don't find those models shockingly or excessively skinny. They look fine to me. I'm interested to know what evidence any of the outraged masses can point to which shows that the average size 12 women is more healthy than the average size 4 or 6 women. To what research are they refering? And what medical definition of 'healthy' are they using to make these judgements?
As a feminist, I rage about the acculturation process that the fashion industry participates in which convinces women that their appearance trumps any other attribute. But I am so tired of listening to self righteous non size people telling the very thin amoungst us that we're somehow flawed humans and that to be better humans; better feminists; more healthy; more politically correct - we have to increase our body fat!!
Assuming those models don't drink excessively or smoke or engage in any other high risk lifestyles And how awful would it be if we included people with disability in the fashion industry I can hear the shock, horror, gasps already.
It's time the industry reflected society From what I can see they're loaded with them! It's just not as obvious as the disabilities other people are lumbered with. Not all disabilities are physical after all There's plenty of mental and emotional disabilities too.
Being thin, attractive and perhaps 'stylish' while you walk, doesn't guarantee immunity against disabilities of the heart and soul. That the fashion industry ignores such truths as equally as society does, is actually a damned fine piece of evidence that the fashion industry truly is a reflection of society - or at least those parts of society that deem themselves worthy enough of reflecting How often does one look into the mirror.
If they did, did they like what they see? Do you worry about the "rating" people may give you in terms of your looks? Would you like more "likes"? Fashion and dieting advertising are basically targeting the insecurity in us. Fashion fanatics, or perhaps more aptly, fashion victims, not only worry about how people perceive them, but live in the constant fear of being left behind the trends.
I guess it is a bit like electronic gadgets. You don't want to be still lugging along that Apple iPhone which was fashionable only a year ago, do you? The fashion catalog of push enthusiastically by fashion magazines tempts you with those weird, crazy and impractical outfits. These are hanged over the skeletal frames that prance around to the thumping, throbbing techno music.
Models march along in military fashion, with hardly a smile. Expression that says "I hate this bloody outfit". Perhaps they are so damn hungry that they want to get off the stage and tuck into a double serves of lasagne, and then stick a finger up their throats to puke it all out again!
So what makes those people believe that dresses look better on skinny frames? I may get censored here Did anyone notice many fashion gurus are gays? There is a theory that gays don't like females I guess that is a fact?
Ow dayr u zay zee narstee tings a bowt zee Froggeez ant dayr cayreeng, shayreeng wayz!!! Soon zee hole wurld weel be doeeng de zame P. Maybe the Swede's will come up with a better even more PC solution in a few months time, for all the other countries on planet earth to copy like the creative little dears they aren't.
When I saw Sophie Loren in Italian movies, she was sexy, beautiful. When she went Hollywood, she was clothes horse, nothing more, even Cary Grant couldn't help her. There are those who beaver away at the gym getting muscles, then there are the minority who get their bodies muscular by doing physical work - not many left, but I can tell the difference.
Rather like these bearded fashionistas. Please, smooth undeveloped men, with no story to tell to go with the beard. Found a boo radley in goodwill last week, a fellow searcher told me i had struck gold If you have inside knowledge of a topic in the news, contact the ABC.
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