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Casual Sex for Older Women—Is It OK? | Senior Planet

The possibility of getting assaulted was definitely on my mind when I sought out hookups. My friends and I would text one another to make sure we were okay if we ever went home with anyone after a party.

During my freshmen year, my cousin and I met a group of guys at a party. I thought one of them was really cute. We stood outside and talked for a while. Afterward, I excitedly went back to his apartment. After making out for a while, he told me to give him oral sex. I said no again. He pushed my head downward. I told him not to push me. He said he never pushed me.

He insisted once more. At that point, I felt like a royal pain in the ass. I felt it was easier to just do it than to keep arguing. And I told myself I liked it. Afterward, as we talked to his roommate, he got behind me and made a humping motion to show off. I spent a long time believing that this encounter was consensual. I thought being pressured into sex was just something women had to deal with.

But it made me more wary of future hookups. After all, that guy had seemed so sweet and innocent. Who else could unexpectedly pressure me, embarrass me, and treat me like a conquest?

My experience is extremely common. Even when women are not sexually assaulted, they often deal with partners who treat them like objects. Going home with someone at the end of the night is a gamble for anyone, especially women and other gender minorities, who are more likely to be sexually assaulted and constantly told to protect themselves from assault.

Let me make it clear that my experience with casual hookups, particularly in college, exists within a set of cultural norms that apply particularly to cisgender men and women hooking up with each other. Remember the guy who insisted I perform oral sex on him?

He refused to perform it on me — which he had the right to do , but the asymmetry of his expectations was telling. And a lot of women I knew had experienced the same. The oral sex gap could partially explain the orgasm gap between straight men and women, which is larger in casual hookups than in relationships.

In hookups, men have three orgasms for every one a woman has. In relationships, the ratio is only 1. One study , which unfortunately stuck to a gender binary, found that adolescent girls actually lost friends when they had sex, while boys gained friends.

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