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If you can make me laugh, you have things to talk about and you're a decent human being, you're just who I'm looking for. So yea, that's a decent over view of myself and what I'm looking for.
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If you want to change, you can, of course. A break is a break. It isn't fair for her to put you off and then pull you back at her whim, assuming you'll always be waiting on the sidelines for her. She would lose respect for you, and you'd lose respect for yourself.
In the meantime, I'd busy yourself with friends, hobbies, activities that keep your mind on other things. Just how this plays out. My mom says I remind her of Payne when hes tellin that chick that for fun he likes to upside down and clean his gun til his nose bleeds lmfao. So ya new hobbies might be in order. I wasn't cheating on him, but he'd accuse me of it all the time. I tried to break up with him, but he was so pathetic, that I'd take pity on him and give him "one more -".
Dozens of chances later, dozens of accusations, suspicions, monitoring my activities, shaming me for jacking off, etc. I finally decided to cheat on his ass! I figured; "I'm getting into trouble for it anyway, I might as well have a little fun for all the hassle I'm going through. When I first started dating him, I occasionally would wonder; "What the hell is he doing? WHO the hell is he doing, for that matter? He was living his life fully and I want to support that, but I started feeling nasty in the pit of my stomach and angry with him for no good reason.
It was then that I realized the thought processes my jealous ex must have been going through. It was then that I realized I had to cut that insecure shit out and just him as fiercely and unconditionally as I possibly can to be thankful for every hour I get to spend with him to be OK with the fact that he could leave me one day to be OK with the possibility that he could cheat on me one day that he could be hit by a bus and taken away from me forever.
Such thoughts cause some folks to pin-wheel into paranoia and panic. But I found that they liberated my heart and allowed me to give fully without expecting anything back. It ain't worth worrying about "maybe, might, possibly". Because no one is promised another day. Heh, heh, I know this shit is confronting and I shouldn't be surprised that someone was confronted enough by it to neg. Too bad they don't have the cajones or self-awareness to provide a reasonable rebuttal.
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Sorry but it could happen, not that it necessarily. So, is that a deal breaker? A couple of my favorite lines in a Cake seem very appropriate here: The ornaments look but they're weighing down the branches of the tree. I don't want to sit a across the table from you, wishing I could run. It was following her actually telling me the truth about her life.
She had made some really dumb choices in the past, she was ashamed and that I'd find out and leave. She'd had an abusive stepfather and a mother who took no action after it was discovered. Screwed her up good. However as others have noted be the case here, she clung to it for protection. She used it as a defense of any fucked up action, after all, she had suffered so much. There was no way I could understand, no way I could relate and therefore I was insensitive because my response was much that it was not the reason she continued to make poor choices.
The fact is that people CAN relate, we all have things that have been "done" to us we had no control over. Things that hurt us and we didn't handle well, we've all fucked up our lives at one point or another. We've all hurt someone we and been hurt in return, its part of the human condition. But there's a breaking point, that point in time where your life is now your own.
You have to look around and take stock, realize you've placed yourself where you are. Its hard to give up that trump card, that ace in the hole that allows us to slip the weight of responsibility and escape the brunt of the consequences.
Because when you toss that away the light turns upon ourselves, from that point forward we are the ones that stand in judgment of our own actions. So before you discard this guy because he's so insensitive perhaps he's one who MORE sensitive? He's also brave knowing until you take that step you cannot get over your past. Once you do you'll be able to look him in the eye on things, become the partner you are capable of, a full partner not a dependent one.
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